"Just hold on."

(On the phone tonight....)

RYAN: I don't know, I just feel like you don't want to see me anymore.
LIZ: Of course I want to see you! Why would you think that?
RYAN: I don't know, it just seems like you're getting discouraged lately.
LIZ: Well yeah, I have been feeling discouraged because I haven't really seen you in the past two weeks.
RYAN: Well I'm trying to fix that!
LIZ: I'm not telling you that because I'm trying to place blame on you or because I want you to "fix it". I'm just trying to explain to you what I'm feeling.
RYAN: Well just promise me that no matter what, we won't let our bullshit get in the way of us being together.
LIZ: Okay.
RYAN: Just hold on. It won't be that much longer.

Really?? You want me to wait??? For...how long?
That was my mind's reaction to what Ryan said to me tonight on the phone. Of course I didn't verbally respond to him in that facetious manner. I realize it's not his fault that I've been "holding on", my entire life and I've retired my "holding on", capabilities. I know he's the perfect person for me because if he wasn't, I would've laughed loudly in his ear when he asked me to, "Hold on".

Let's be honest though. First of all, what does that even mean; when someone asks you to, "hold on"? In my deeply scarred memory, "hold on", means to wait. Okay...I can agree to wait, but wait for what? I don't foresee my life or Ryan's life becoming any less busy in the future, especially within the next few years ahead of us. I plan to work on my script and see it to its completion. In the meantime I plan to continue pursuing my other artistic interests and helping others promote their artwork.

As for Ryan...well, I'm not exactly sure what Ryan's up to or where his heart is regarding his personal goals in life. I have an idea, but Ryan operates differently than I do. For example, Ryan absolutely detests working in Dallas. Mainly because of the traffic, partly because of the area he works and the social atmosphere. His daily recounts upon his commute to and from work could be turned into a book titled, 101Ways to [Luckily] Escape Your Own Death by Ryan R.

So with all of that said, he vowed that his next job would NOT be located in Dallas--Unless...
Unless it paid an enormous amount of money.

That's where he and I are different. Because if I was truly unhappy with what I was doing and where I was, I would not repeat the same action or remain in the same place that led me to that unhappiness. Above and beyond anything else; especially for the sake of making money. Maybe that's where the fallacy lies?

Get it? Where the fallacy lies?

Because we don't share common ideas about happiness, it's hard for me to gauge his next move. His ideas are unfamiliar to me and I can't predict his route at all. I don't know where he is exactly in his life and I don't know where he's going. Combine the unknown with my busy, busy life and what do you get?

Yeah, I don't know either.

Hold on.

Okay..
But for what and how long?



I know.my love,
this is not the only story you can tell.
This pain won't last forever.
There's only two more years,
so hold on.
--Two More Years/BLOC PARTY