Since Adam and I moved to Texas this year and started our life over, its been stressful and wonderful. Adam is integral to my sanity and he's aware of that, even though he's 5 years old. He knows exactly how to evoke every range of emotion from me, positive and negative. When I'm feeling depressed he picks up on it immediately and does something ridiculous; a funny face or a random dance; to make me laugh and smile again. If he sees me crying, he sits down and holds me. It's no surprise that he expects the same from me, especially if he's bored or restless. If I'm unsuccessful at my attempts to alleviate and diffuse his stress level, he takes out his frustrations on me, and we suffer together.
This summer was our transitioning period from Oklahoma to Texas. It was also the first summer that Adam wasn't involved in a summer school program. He hated every minute of not having anything to do this season. He was irritated with me because I wasn't holding up my end of our promise to take care of each other. I've been working non-stop since we moved and haven't given him the extra time he needed this summer. Six months since we first got to Texas, we've begun to settle into our new home, and I finally found a school for Adam to attend.
This summer was our transitioning period from Oklahoma to Texas. It was also the first summer that Adam wasn't involved in a summer school program. He hated every minute of not having anything to do this season. He was irritated with me because I wasn't holding up my end of our promise to take care of each other. I've been working non-stop since we moved and haven't given him the extra time he needed this summer. Six months since we first got to Texas, we've begun to settle into our new home, and I finally found a school for Adam to attend.
He began his first day of kindergarten this morning. It was hard for me to say goodbye and leave him at his new school. Adam was quite the opposite, and waved goodbye quickly, then ran directly over to his chair at the table to play with the Play-Doh his teacher set out for him. I realize I will see him later today after I get home from work, but I'm always anxious when he's not with me or a family member. He is the most important and fragile piece of my life's puzzle, my first reason for existence, and the only person in the world with whom I share a pure, unconditional love. Because of that, it's no wonder why my emotions are on eggshells when we're apart.
Even with the anxiety, I feel a sense of relief because he's back on track in his pursuit of happiness. I don't have to worry that's he's sitting at home, bored to tears while I'm at work. Also, with the extra time alone, I can continue working on my script and not feel so guilty about it. Everything is close to reaching a balance now, and I'm ecstatic about the pieces of our life falling together, in a positive place.
Still, there's no way to prepare for the conflicting emotions of emptiness and completeness that you feel on your love's first day in the real world, without you.
<3
Even with the anxiety, I feel a sense of relief because he's back on track in his pursuit of happiness. I don't have to worry that's he's sitting at home, bored to tears while I'm at work. Also, with the extra time alone, I can continue working on my script and not feel so guilty about it. Everything is close to reaching a balance now, and I'm ecstatic about the pieces of our life falling together, in a positive place.
Still, there's no way to prepare for the conflicting emotions of emptiness and completeness that you feel on your love's first day in the real world, without you.
<3
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