"Just hold on." (The Reprise)

Word has it on the wire
That you don't who you are
Well if you could jack into my brain
You'd know exactly what you mean here
Mothers are trails on stars in the night
Fathers are black holes that suck up the light
That's the memory I filed on the fringe
Along with the memory of the pain you lived in...
Hello?
--HELLO/Poe

I swear on my life I haven't forgotten about anyone or anything.

To use the word, busy, is an understatement about life these days. Particularly, I'm referring to my own life and the lives intertwined around mine. I haven't finished the first draft of my script on the time schedule I hoped to have it done. Despite that, I haven't stopped working on it. I'm taking some time to pay attention to the interesting details instead of just throwing simple and generic dialogue into the mouths of the complicated characters I've created. Even with taking my time in order to do the complexity of the script some justice, I'm still on a tight schedule to complete it and I can't wait to share it with the rest of the world.

Speaking of tight schedules, making sure Adam gets to and from school everyday keeps both his and my sleeping patterns on a route toward some stability. This is huge for us because it's been over a year since we've slept well. Sleep is crucial for me and him, as it keeps us from getting moody and overly emotional with each other. When we're both rested and on our "A" game, all is right in our world.

Then there's work...
Work, work, work.

I actually like working at Starbucks and working band promos because I love embellishing my free time in both of those worlds. Working within the coffee and music industry doesn't feel like work to me. Of course juggling the two gets stressful sometimes, but I feel pretty lucky to have found places in both of these fields where I can cultivate my creativity, network, and get paid for it.

When Adam isn't in school and I'm not working, he and I have doing things together to keep our relationship strong. I could go on and on about how crappy last year was, but I won't. I will, however, acknowledge that even during our most devastating year, (AKA 2009), Adam was braver and more patient than I ever was. While I tried to cope with all of the loss back then, he never abandoned me and we weathered the worst together, side-by-side. He's my world and I don't ever want to take our time for granted. This is why I spend ALL of my free time with him.

His tremendous spirit and pure heart inspire me to be a better person and a stronger woman, everyday.

Then there's Ryan.

Ryan is one of the greatest people I've come to know in my twenty-seven years on this planet. He is sincere, loving, courageous, patient, kind, and genuine. We both have hectic schedules we work around in order to keep our lives in sync. This past month was our most trying because we didn't see each other as often as we would've liked. Nevertheless, we're managing to make our relationship work despite our recent financial and time constraints. I should also mention that Ryan is amazing because he doesn't mind sharing his time with me, with Adam also. That's a rarity to find; a man who loves and accepts both you and your child.

I've finally found the one [who loves my soul and] whom my soul loves...<3

I realize that it seems like I've left several important pieces of my life out of my schedule lately, but I swear it isn't because I've forgotten about anyone or anything, or that it's because I don't care. I think about everyone and everything on a daily basis. I miss my friends and I miss my free, solitary time. But when I imagine my life three years from now, after I've finished my first full length script and made a name for myself within the art world, I plan to take everyone and everything with me on the success ride to the top. This gap in communication won't last forever and once it's over, the end product will not be in vain.

In fact, it will be worth it.

Now I understand what Ryan said to me last week...

Just hold on.

I DO love everyone and care about everything around me. These days where I seem absent won't last forever.


I haven't forgotten. 
That I can promise, fully.

 

All of the ink that was bled from your hands
Has painted a picture that she understands
It's amazing

The voice of my father still loud as before
It used to scare me but not anymore
It's a maze.

-- AMAZED/Poe