My answer: Nothing AND Everything.

I should explain that things have changed since I got back from Oklahoma last week. I knew it would happen and I even prepared my co-workers at Starbucks. They individually and repeatedly asked why I was taking a week off from work. "You're not trying to quit are you?!" my co-workers wanted to know.

"No, no, its nothing like that. I'm going on a journey of sorts", I explained, "All I know is that I will probably come back with a newly found knowledge. Chances are I'll probably be a little different. I'll still be the same person, just changed."

Everyone at work agreed that this journey would be incredible, including my boss. In fact, my amazing boss was the one who switched my work schedule around to cater to the days I requested off. Ryan was in my corner too, much to my surprise. "Do your thing," he said to me before I left town, "I'll still be here," he reassured me.

So I left last week with a clear mind.
I returned with something else.

The first night I got back,  as I sat on the balcony of my house, immersed in the humid air that lounged around lazily, I felt something I'd never felt before.

I felt sure.

The truth is, I didn't expect to come back to Texas feeling as different as I do right now. Careful examination upon my psyche from before I left versus my psyche after I got home, I can see how I'm different; according to myself and according to everyone else. My priorities, my dreams, my happiness; all of the things that make up the core of a person's being; all of those things have been re-evaluated and redefined within me.

I've come to terms with the fact that my former self has passed and I'm a new person these days. I've come to terms with it, but I'm not sure if my everyone else has yet. Since I've been home everyone around me keeps asking the same question, "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay", I reassure them, then ask, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. You're just not talking as much as you usually do", they say.
"I'm fine. I'm just preoccupied", I explain.

The feelings of confidence in what I'm doing with my life, mixed with the ability and the opportunity to see all of my plans become realized; it's all I can think of now. Maybe I was easily distracted in the past and that's why people aren't used to me being as focused as I am today? I don't know, but I do know for sure that-that's not the case today. During the Week of Seclusion, I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed leaving the rest of the world to write. I found absolute comfort in the smooth current, the smooth flow of thought turned to written words on paper. Absolute comfort is something I've never found in my life.

I liked writing before, but after last week, I fell in love with it.

Suddenly nothing matters to me the same as it did before, (with the exception of Adam). The thought of finishing my script has literally possessed my entire being and finishing it has become my life's supreme purpose now. But every time someone asks me, "What's wrong with you?", I have to question my new found purpose in life and ask myself, "Is there something wrong with me?"

Who's right and who's wrong in these questions?

I don't have the answers and even if it makes me appear entirely wrong in others' eyes, I don't care if I'm the person who seems wrong. I don't care because I've never felt more sure about my purpose in life. I think the more appropriate question to ask would be, "What's the cost you're willing to pay to witness your dreams become your reality?"

My answer:
Nothing AND everything.

Oh comely,
I will be with you when you lose your breath,
chasing the only meaningful memory
you thought you had left.
With some pretty bright and bubbly
terrible scene ,
that was doing her thing...
It isn't as pretty as you'd like to guess.
-- Oh Comely/NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL