"It never stops."

Tonight was the night. It was the night I came to the realization that no matter how positive my outlook on life is at the moment, or the fact that I'm finally taking steps in the right direction these days, my past is ALWAYS lingering around the corner...ALWAYS stalking me, reminding me that things really can get destitute in a matter of seconds.

It never stops.
It n-e-v-e-r f-u-c-k-i-n-g stops.

This time it happened at a What-A-Burger, after we left the Eighth Circuit show @ the Ridglea Theater, off Camp Bowie Blvd in Fort Worth, TX. As we pulled up in the parking lot, I noticed the stop sign intersection and it looked strangely familiar. Once we walked into the restaurant, my attention immediately turned to the booth in the back corner. Suddenly, I could see last year; Davin, Joey, and Patrick and me; sitting in that back booth, drunk and laughing, waiting for our hamburgers. When I sat at that booth a year ago, I was the happiest girl in the world. Davin and I just came from Patrick and Joey's home on Wimberley St, and my brothers had Davin convinced that Texas would be an amazing place to move. We ate our hamburgers and I relished in the idea that it would only be one more month before we moved from Oklahoma to Texas. I was excited for the opportunities I knew Davin would find for his career in the metroplex, and I was also happy that I was going to be closer to my brothers.

I couldn't have been more wrong in my prediction.

We left the What-A-Burger that night, a year ago, with no idea that it would be the locale for our last peaceful supper together. My brother dropped us off after we ate dinner, at the Holiday Inn on Cherry Lane. Davin and I sat downstairs to smoke a cigarette before we walked inside. We were both hopeful and happy, which was a big deal considering that after Davin moved in with me and my father passed away, we argued, constantly.

The next morning I woke up to Davin's phone that wouldn't stop ringing. Finally, I answered it, and we received the news from his mom that his father and step-mother were gone...

Everything for everyone changed after that moment.

Every day it comes to this
Catch the things you might have missed
You say, get back to yesterday
I ain't ever going back
To the place that I can't stand
I'm always misunderstood
Up and down
Pulled apart and ripped in two
And I miss the way you lie
--Catch the Sun - The Doves