Day 1: I believe it's worth more.

It shouldn't be any surprise that I'm starting off the "Week of Seclusion" in Oklahoma. I thought it would be the perfect backdrop to encourage my writing since I have bittersweet memories of the area. Bitter-sweetness is the fuel that art uses to move and my writing is no different. Truthfully, I didn't turn off my phone until mid-morning, but since last night, I've stuck to the promise to stay off Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter. This pledge to abandon my phone and online social networking make me feel like a high-tech communications junkie in recovery.

Too bad I don't have Dr.Drew here to guide me through the process.

The past few days I've been talking about and preparing for this trip, I've been thinking about how bizarre, crazy, or just plain boring my obsession over my dreams and goals sound to those who aren't into writing. These dreams and plans I have must sound particularly ridiculous to those who don't obsess over anything, period.

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Today, before I began to dive back into working on my memoir script, I took a shower. I usually listen to music but I nixed my playlist for a few moments so I could thoroughly cleanse my body and mind. This is a new pre-writing ritual I discovered. The sound of only the water that poured from the shower head, over my entire being and into the bathtub allowed me to hear my own thoughts. Just like the water my thoughts moved, pouring out from my head and heart and over my entire being. I was immersed in a mixture of solitary thought and warm, soft water.

I began to think of everything I have sacrificed, everything I am sacrificing, and everything I would sacrifice, in order to see this script written from start to finish.

My mother and I actually had this discussion about sacrifice last Saturday night. She could tell I was becoming anxious and came into my bedroom, where I laid quietly, alone on the bed in dim lighting. She sat down and stroked my forehead. Without question, she spoke to me and said, "Dear, there's no need for you to worry. You've done everything and you're doing everything you need to do in order to make your dreams come true. You have the talent and the content. Its all there. You just have to continue doing whatever it takes to get your script finished."

"I know mama", I replied to her reassuring words, then said, "It's just trying to figure out the best way to get there. I know I have to sacrifice some things to make sure I have time to write and finish this script. This time around, NOTHING is off the chopping block.... Well except for Adam."

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After drying off from my pre-writing shower earlier today, I couldn't shake off thinking about the word, "sacrifice". The word itself sounds dramatic and fatal, but it's an important word that comes to my mind when explaining what its like to live with a love for my dreams to become my reality.

Anything in this world is possible, you just have to take the steps to get what you want. Unfortunately, sacrifice is a mandatory step we take to travel the most effective route to our dreams. After its all said and done, the route becomes a map that shows us how we got there. The things we kept in our lives are marked as points of interest we stopped at along the way, and the things we sacrificed in our lives are noted as dead ends we accidentally went down or routes we avoided all together.

Sounds brutal?
I'm not going to lie, it is brutal.

The idea of sacrifice is an idea I'm sure the New Rich would love to argue because it sounds like an Old Rich institution. However, I'm not saving up my time to spend it all on something that is meaningless, like a new car or a mansion. I'm spending my time to write something that means the world to me that I want to share with the rest of the world for years to come.

I believe that's worth more than a Ferrari.

I believe it's worth more than having drinks at a trendy bar.
It's worth more than the white picket fence and 2.5 kids
More than the comfort of staying in a state
where I'm most familiar.
It's worth more than a fleeting one night stand,
an iPhone, designer shoes
and haute couture fashionista status.
For now it's worth more than
you.
It's  worth more than
me,
and the almost finished college degree plan.
It means more than fame,
It's worth unmatched against
all the love
and all the money in the world.
I believe it's worth more.