Every struck gold and better off dead moment

My mind never actually rests.

It's true. I'm constantly thinking, constantly trying to connect and put things together, though in no particular order. It's a catch twenty-two. In one sense my overactive mind spawns creativity for my writing and other artwork. On the other hand, my over-analyzation is the root of any negativity that filters its way into my life, because I dwell over the worst things way too much.

I'm pretty sure this is the plot line to every artistic tragedy; the gift, the curse.


Today, my mind was left in a state of purgatory that stemmed from talking to customers today at work. I noticed a common theme in our conversations. The reoccurring theme came from women talking about their constant struggles in their relationships with men.

The first woman came in and ordered her usual; A grande iced coffee with non-fat milk. She seemed content but I asked her how she was doing anyway. She replied, "CRAPPY. Me and my boyfriend just got into a huge fight right before I came into work!" Before I had time to respond to her answer, she interjected into the explanation of the fight with her boyfriend and why it made her so upset.

"He's always looking for a reason to fight because he's in law school! I swear, he's just looking for reasons to disagree with me, constantly!" the woman explained bluntly.
"Oh, he's in law school? Is he going to Texas Wesleyan?" I asked. (I had to ask because Ryan attends the same school.)
She paused for a moment, slightly surprised that I knew the name of her boyfriend's school. "Yes, it's Wesleyan," she said.
I changed the subject and shifted the focus back to her situation. "Maybe this is just a rough patch you guys are going through?" I suggested.
"No, no, no, that's not it," she replied, "This isn't the first time this has happened. Like I said, he's fighting with me constantly. I just don't want to deal with it anymore...I mean, I know every couple fights but surely there's some balance between the fighting and the peace, right?" 
I stood behind the coffee bar, silent for a moment as I pondered what the woman just proposed to me; Is she right? Is there a balance between fighting and peace that must be achieved in order to share a healthy relationship with someone? Hmmmmm.....
The woman snapped me back into her realm with the sound of a question; "What do you think?", she asked.
"I think I agree with you. It's funny, I never really thought about it like that before but I think you're right," I confessed.

Every single one of her shiny, bare teeth flashed me, coming out from their usual hiding place from behind her lips. She was smiling and I couldn't tell if she was doing it because I agreed with her theory or if she was just happy that I didn't argue with her. Either way, she left the coffee house with a little more spring in her step and I was happy for her.

I didn't have more than a few moments to explore the new found theory the first woman introduced me to, before the second disgruntled woman came into the store. The second woman wasn't alone though. She brought a female co-worker with her. They stood across from my register like a dynamic, superhero duo; arms crossed over their chests. From their posture, I knew these two women were on a mission.

WOMAN #2: (To her Female Co-Worker) Ugh! Thanks for coming with me. I didn't even really want coffee, I just wanted to bitch.
FEMALE CO-WORKER: (Smiling) No problem.
LIZ: Hi! Welcome to Starbucks! What can I get started for you ladies today?!
WOMAN #2: Can I get a tall, extra hot, white mocha?
LIZ: Sure! Can I get you anything else? (Looks at the Female Co-Worker)
FEMALE CO-WORKER: Oh...I don't want anything. I'm just here for moral support.
LIZ: (Laughs) Gotcha. (To Woman #2) Okay, your total is $3.56.

Woman #2 hands Liz a five dollar bill and Liz makes change from her register. She hands it to Woman #2.

LIZ: Okay, I'll have your drink out in just a few minutes.
WOMAN #2: Thanks!

Liz begins steaming milk on the espresso machine as the two women talk over the sounds.

WOMAN #2: Oh I just can't believe him! I mean, he was just acting like such a dick today! Even when we left the office earlier, he was like, "Where are you going?" and I was like, "If you want to know why don't you come with us?" He said, "Uh no. That's okay."
FEMALE CO-WORKER: Why do you think he was acting like such a dick today?
WOMAN #2: Ugh! I don't know and I don't even really care anymore.

Liz hands Woman #2 her drink.

LIZ: Are you having guy problems today?
WOMAN #2: Ugh! Sort of. Like work guy problems. The guy I'm having issues with is my boss.
LIZ: Ah...I gotcha. It's kind of funny because the girl that just came in before you was having guy problems today too. (Pauses) You know, I've never worked with male bosses except for once and that guy was pretty much an asshole most of the time. That's why I like working for women. They seem to understand and empathize a little more.
WOMAN #2: Yeah, but at the same time it depends on if the guy is single or not. A guy who's married or has kids understands what it's like for women. A single guy though, he totally wouldn't get it.
LIZ: Yeah, that makes sense. I guess you're right.

Liz begins rinsing dishes in a sink as the ladies continue to talk.

WOMAN #2: (To Liz) This drink is great! Thanks!
LIZ: You're welcome! You ladies have a nice day!
WOMAN #2 and FEMALE CO-WORKER: You too!

The two women walk out of the coffee house, smiling.

After the conversations I had this afternoon, I started to wonder if there was something in the weather that was causing men to act like assholes. I chalked it up to the rain and barely cooler temperatures we were experiencing. That explanation suited me for about... ten minutes. Once the ten minutes was over, I knew there was more to the back-to-back mention of constant struggles.

There's a reason this theme is recycling in my life. Now I just have to figure out why, I thought to myself.

I examined the feelings I felt as I listened to these women. I felt lucky because I wasn't involved in a relationship that consisted of me arguing with my significant other 24/7. That's been my routine for so long. It was nice to know I didn't and I wasn't living like that now. Don't get me wrong, I know that peace can't exist without conflict. However, there's a balance to it all and somehow I finally found a way to live in that balance's realm. I'm forever grateful for my life today and I appreciate everything that brought me here.

Every struck gold and better-off-dead moment in my life.

A boy like me
would never be seen
fighting for peace.
I want total chaos
and a holiday home
[NOT] in the east.
-- A Boy Like Me/PATRICK WOLF