LIZ: I should probably tell you that I'm not your average girl. If I can help it, I'll try to deal with stress and emotions alone. It's not that I don't trust you, I'm just trying to learn how to be stronger.
RYAN: I wouldn't come to that conclusion if you didn't talk about stress. Communication is important and I think I'm a good listener. I'm all about some Liz so quit trippin' girl, I got you!
~
Here it is, another eve before I make the journey back to Oklahoma. If you know me at all, you know I will probably sleep zero amount of hours tonight.
The night before I leave always feels like anticipating surgery. I lay down on the hospital bed. At first it feels okay because I think, "I'm in a hospital. That's safe, right?" That is, until I remember the required anesthetics that have to be administered, pre-op, and I hate needles. I stare at the ceiling and watch it begin to spin, which forces me to close my eyes. As I'm passing out, I pray I wake up from the drugs. Next is the surgery, which I only recall bits and pieces of. When I wake up from the anesthetics, post-op, I find myself achy, sore, and questioning if the entire process was truly necessary; "Do I feel any better... or worse?"
The answer is almost always the latter. Adam is the only exception to that. There are several million trillion reasons I feel this way that include my father's passing, all of 2009, my former life, DEATH, the weather...
But I won't bore you with all of that. At least not tonight. I just need to take a deep breath and prepare for surgery.
Again.
I was waiting on a moment
But the moment never came
All the billion other moments
Were just slipping all away
I must have been tripping
Just ego tripping
--the FLIPs/Ego Tripping
at the Gates of Hell
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