REsurfacation.

It's Monday, November 1st, 2010. Halloween is over and we're officially on the down slope of 2010. I didn't get to enter my art installation into the Dia de Los Muertos art show because the art director said he could only give me a 36" x 36" wall space. To this, my reply to him;

"Then don't advertise that your show is accepting installations. 36" x 36" of wall space is hardly enough space for an installation. [Fucka]." *

Usually I'd just pick myself up and move on from something like this. I still plan to put together the installation and enter it into another show. In the meantime I feel something unsettled within myself. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I can feel it rumbling inside of my chest. I thought maybe I just needed to cry or something, so I did that yesterday as we left Ryan's grandmother's house. Once we got home, I took a nap. I hoped to feel better after the tiny sleep break, but I didn't.

I imagine this feeling is from the never ending, constantly unsettled feelings from the past that won't ever subside. I go back and forth on the issues, letting them go, then being blindsided by the them when they resurface. I never anticipate their REsurfacation.**

I'm super paranoid
like a sixth sense.
Since [our] father[s] died
I ain't been writing since.
My heart is an Open sore
that I hope heals soon.

With it being November, it's time for me to get back on the art wagon for sure. As I write this paragraph I'm beginning to realize that's where some of the unsettled feelings in me start--
When I stop--Creating art.

I entered a script to D.C.'s The Source Theater play festival last week. We'll see how that goes. I should find out if I made the cut in a few months.

Speaking of resurfacing, it was roughly a year ago when my friend Jymz and I had a conversation that, for some reason, I haven't been able to stop thinking about, today.

LIZ: So what do you think about the new Jay-Z album?
JYMZ: It's aight.
LIZ: What do you mean, 'it's aight'?! It's amazing!
JYMZ: Yeah...but I have some issues with it. Lyrically speaking.
LIZ: Explain. I'm listening.
JYMZ: Well you know, the beats are good, but how many times can you sing about 'back in the day' when you used to sell drugs. You know things can't be that bad for Jay-Z now. It gets 'old' after a while singing about 'your old stash spots'.
LIZ: I didn't ever really think about it like that.
JYMZ: Get it?
LIZ: (Smiles) I hear ya.

*  I didn't actually call the art director a fucka, just in case he REsurfaced into my life again.
** Yeah, I know REsurfacation isn't a word. I just made it up.


________________________________________________________________________________________


November 1st, 2010
1:23pm

The four minutes and fifty-two seconds hallway.


I noticed I had a missed call from Adam's school, so I immediately returned the call.

After several rings....
MAN: Hello. [Insert name of Adam's school here]
LIZ: Hi! My son goes to school there. His name is Adam [insert last name here],
I just got a call from the school and I'm returning the call.
MAN: Oh, okay. Hold on, let me find someone who knows. Oh yeah, there's the school nurse. Hold on a second ma'am.

Exactly four minutes and fifty-two seconds pass...
NURSE: Hi! Is this Adam's mom?
LIZ: Yes! What's wrong?!?!
NURSE: Oh, Adam's fine. We just wanted to let you know that he got his arm stuck in a rocking chair earlier today and he may or may not have a little bruising from it.
LIZ: Oh my god! That's it?! That was the LONGEST four minutes and fifty-two seconds I've ever experienced in my life.
NURSE: (Laughing) Oh, I'm so sorry! I promise if there was ever something really wrong we would definitely find a way to get ahold of you.
LIZ: Well thank you for the phone call and for letting me know.
NURSE: Sure thing! Have a good day!

One thing I know for sure today. It's very evident that my anxieties have REsurfaced, fully.

There's only so far you can go
When you're living in a hallway
that keeps growing
I think to myself
[Four more minutes and fifty-two seconds]
and I'll be there.
--5 & 1/2 Minute Hallway/POE