Half the time/All is fair

I was getting ready to run some errands downtown when Brandi called around 1 o'clock. I'm not much of a phone person and neither is she. Since I haven't seen her in over a month, we've forced ourselves to become phone people so we can stay in touch. 

I miss Adam, my mom, Brandi, and the familiar comfort of Oklahoma. Talking to Brandi today helped fill that void of missing comfort. We caught up on our school/work news, family news, and of course boy news. She's recently entered back into a relationship and is re-adjusting her life to accommodate having a significant other around 24/7. "I don't even remember how this is supposed to go", she said. "You know, I was just thinking about that the other day. I don't even know what normal is anymore. I'm just making up the rules as I go", I confessed. After we got off the phone, I started to think about my statement.

In case it isn't evident, I should confess that my love life is D.O.A. Half the time this doesn't faze me, then half the time it does. I believe not knowing exactly how the dating and relationship world is supposed to work, has scared me into declining offers to join the ranks of lovers. They say, "Lovers Unite!" and I don't even know what enlisting into their company would entail. How can you expect me to be a part of something I can't grasp? I mean, I could, but I don't know if I'd be any good at it. I'm not going to lie, failure frightens me. So does war. Their response? 

All is fair in love and war. 

Pssssh! So basically what does that mean? Enlist or risk the draft? Hmmm... 

People ask me on a daily basis: "What do you want?" My answer: "I don't know. But I know what I don't want." Surely that's a step in some direction. I never have all the answers; right or wrong. 

Half the time this doesn't faze me, then half the time it does.