Words with fun: RUN

Even when things calm down in my life, I'm not sure why, but night terrors come back and interrupt my peace, in the way of sleep deprivation.

There's nothing like waking up to the feeling of your pulse racing and breathing heavy for, on the outside, what appears to be no reason at all. We went to bed at an alarmingly normal time last night. Things before bed were perfectly fine too. I played one of those iPod app word games with Ryan and we did the crossword by twilight and candlelight. I don't even remember falling asleep, honestly. The last thing I recall was laughing about "words with fun". Next thing I know, I'm dreaming that my brother Patrick and I are having a yard sale at night. This strange guy comes in the house. He's tall and has a military haircut. The strange man looks around in the house and doesn't see anything to buy, so he leaves. Patrick motions for me to close the door and lock it right after the guy walks out.

Before I get the door locked, the guy pushes the door back open and comes in with a gun. He didn't see me, since I was behind the door, and Patrick looks at me and I can read in his eyes, he told me to RUN. I bolt out of the house through the front door, down the stairs and run like I've never ran before. I can hear a gun shot as I'm running, which prompts me to run even harder. I get to a gas station to call 911 and the operator won't take my report because she says she can't hear me. I start crying because I can't get help to my brother and I'm terrified.

"Ryan, Ryan, wake up, wake up!" I said, when I opened my eyes.
"What is it?" he asked me, barely awake.
"I had a night terror and I'm kind of freaked out", I said to him, heart still racing, breathing heavy.

I told him about the dream, then he held me to calm me down. I wish I could say that was the end, but of course it wasn't. I went back to sleep and continued on the same theme, though this time I dreamed in real time, meaning I thought the dream was happening in the present. In the next dream, I was asleep in bed with Ryan at my house. I had a gun holster on, which fit around my leg. I was also wearing stilettos. Ryan woke me up because he heard something and he realized I was sleeping with a gun. "Why the hell do you have a gun holster on?!" he asked me. In the dream I didn't care that he was mad at me, but I panicked because I knew I couldn't run in heels. I woke up; Terrified pt.II.

"Ever since last year, I'm always running in my dreams." I admitted to Ryan, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

It's exhausting physically and mentally; running endlessly.

All these things that I keep
When I cared too deep
Gonna put it to sleep
I can RUN much faster
When nothing weighs me down.

--Peter Bjorn & John/ It Don't Move Me