This is my once.

Gearing up for another trip to Oklahoma. As always, I'm a little nervous. If I had a handful of Valium, trust that before I went to bed, those little pills would be swimming around inside of me with a few shots of rum.

My older brother, Patrick, is off work today and he said we would barbecue in the backyard this evening. Ryan is coming over after he gets off work tonight. Maybe going to Oklahoma will be different this time, because those are both positive activities to take part in right before I leave, so good vibes just have to follow me on my way there, right?

The book of my last year of adventures in Oklahoma is coming to its close on the final chapter. This means that the memoir I'm writing has a direction now. That's exciting and makes me anxious at the same time. I have to admit, there are days when I look back on everything and I fall into those negative patterns of blame and self-loathing and I say to myself;

If there is good in the world, WHY WHY WHY did I, and the people I love most of all have to go through all of that??? What did we possibly do to deserve that state of fate? None of us are truly that deep in karmic debt...

Don't worry, I realize that's all neither here nor there.

I don't ever ask for much. I do that on purpose, for times like these. Because there will always be a time in everyone's life when they have to ask for help, at least once. No one truly exists solely on their own. It's kind of like that whole theory, if a tree falls down in the woods and no one's around to hear it, does it actually make a sound? The same thing applies to life. If no one is around to know you truly exist, do you actually exist? How can anyone truly exist if you never interact? Isn't that what existing is all about. Living...isn't that what living is?

There will always be a time when you have to ask for something, at least once.
Well...this is my once.

 Keep me free from burden

Give me HOPE
Help me cope

Give me light
Give me LIFE

        Give me Love
Give me peace on earth