"Now jump," they say, in a not-so-Van Halen-ish way.

Imagine that you are petrified of heights. Now imagine that you're dining on top of a skyscraper, having dark chocolate truffles for desert with your significant other's family. And you LOVE dark chocolate. Your significant other left something in the car, and goes back downstairs to retrieve it. So now you're alone with the entire family, who have suddenly decided to get up from the table and walk over to the edge of the building.

"Come over here and take a look", they say, "its not so bad."

You want to impress them and your hands are already sweating like crazy. You take a deep breath, rejoice to yourself that dark chocolate was part of your last meal, and saunter over to the edge to join them.

"Now jump," they say, (in a not-so-Van Halen-ish way).
"What? I don't want to", and you try to remain calm, though your heart feels like its going to rip your chest open and run to find the nearest, safest exit.
"It will be okay", and they actually smile as they reassure you.

Keep in mind you just met these people today. In my case, I met them yesterday.

~

I thought I was going to have to work Sunday, but thanks to my Bulgarian co-worker, Vladmir, I didn't have to go in yesterday. Call it coincidence, (or as I prefer, a win-win) that I asked him to work for me at the coffeehouse and he gladly accepted, as he needed the extra hours because his second job didn't schedule him this week. With the day off, I finally got the opportunity to spend Sunday with Ryan's dad, step-mother and little brother, meeting them for the first time.

We spent the majority of the day at their home having dinner playing Scattergories, and eating chocolate truffles. As we were coming close to saying goodbye, Ryan excused himself from the table and went outside. Then his step mother began asking me about Adam.

"I don't know how you can be away from him", she said.
"I can't", I explained, "I'm going back to Oklahoma to see him in a few days", I said."What are you going to Oklahoma for?" she asked me, sincerely.

This is the part where I started to feel a little dizzy. Do I give her the generic answer or do I tell her the truth? She's being so nice and seems genuinely interested in me, and now Adam for that matter...

"I've have to go to court," I blurted out.

Sometimes my mouth reacts before my brain has time to process anything rational. Ryan's father and little brother, who were both heading upstairs, suddenly turned around. Now the entire family was sitting in front of me. What the fuck is taking Ryan so long? I thought to myself, searching for a way to get out of the mess my mouth just made. I wanted to run but I couldn't.

"What do you have court for?" she asked, as his father and brother eagerly waited for my response.

So I threw all of my inhibitions to the wind and told them the truth. All of it. Every embarrassing, heart-breaking, gory detail I survived, from start to finish of last year to present. Two deaths, one homicide, and a protective order later, they were still sitting in front of me. I was astonished. Surely they would've ran by now, I thought.

"So this is why I'm here in Texas. This is why I devote myself to everything I love. I realize now how fast life can change and in some cases, be taken from you in a matter of seconds. I don't want to live my life ever regretting a single thing. Ever." I concluded.

It was silent for a few minutes while everyone finished digesting the chocolate truffles and the  information I just shared.

"Ryan's sister tried to stab him one time. Yup, I bet the knife mark is still in the refrigerator outside", his dad said.

It sounds even more insane, but I realized from his father's statement, he was letting me know that no one's life is perfect and that I wasn't flawed, nor was he going to outcast me for the events in my life. It reminded me of another man's wisdom; "No one man's problems are bigger than any other man's problems."

Ryan' family walked us outside as we were leaving, saying goodbye.

"Yup, it was right... around...here", his father said, showing me with his hands where the knife marks had been cut into the refrigerator. "Guess the rust has worn over it, so you can't see it very well, but there it is", he assured me.

I looked at Ryan's father and laughed as he smiled at me.

~

Back to the edge of the building....

You decide, Why the hell not? You've got nothing left to lose. So you jump. You feel a sense of panic in your fall, like you're going to meet your own death in the most crushing way possible. Instead of your end, your significant other catches you and you feel an unidentified sense of release you haven't felt...ever.

"See that wasn't so bad", your significant other says. And it wasn't a lie, it wasn't so bad. Nothing seems impossible now.

You feel lucky that you can trust again.

I was feeling part of the scenery

I walked right out of the machinery

My heart going boom-boom-boom

"Hey", he said, "grab your things

I've come to take you home."

--Peter Gabriel/Solsbury Hill