I don't consider this the happy ending.

The trip to Oklahoma last week went amazingly well. I found a kind of peace I've never felt in my 26 years on earth. The sudden release of anxieties made me feel like I just won the Hot Ball jackpot after years and years of buying lotto tickets that never hit. LUCKY, that's how elated and hopeful it was to close this chapter, (particularly the last year spent in Oklahoma). I realize I've been given the chance to live my life how I want this time around; to be good to myself and my family, to give and do for others and to stop taking things for granted. I feel confident that every single dream and goal I have for my life can now become my reality.


The best part of it all is that I'm sharing my reality with the purest, most unconditional and sacred love I've ever known in my life. He shared and survived Oklahoma and 2009 with me and is the reason we're breathing today.

Adam<3.

will you tell me the little things?
                what does god look like,
and angel's wings?

i don't remember these things
so would you please teach them to me

 

and when you wake up in the morning
             and i pour the coffee,
                 you're always smiling, sweetly.

I trust with every piece of me that Adam and I can break the curse; the repetitive cycle of hate, violence, and un-natural Death, that's been stalking our family since my brothers and I moved to Oklahoma in 1990. I know things won't always go as planned and life is ultimately passing time until we die. At least now, passing that time can be peaceful and joyous to the fullest extent possible.

No more living like we're dead. We're living like we're dying.

My only regret is that my father didn't believe the curse was unbreakable and he gave up too soon. I'd do anything for him to be with us. Even if it was only for today, so he could see how happy we are and he could experience that happiness with us.
He could pass knowing love was something real.

You don't know the truth.
I love[d] your life.

This sounds like it should be the end, but it's not. I don't consider this the happy ending.
I consider it the happy beginning.