"The house isn't really a home without the family in it."

Ryan came over yesterday night before he headed out to Tulsa. I skipped into the living room to tell Joey that he planned to stop by. My little brother made fun of my girlie-ness about the situation then explained, "Don't forget, when he gets here you need to offer him a seat. Then you offer him something to drink." I looked at him strangely because of his sudden seriousness.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because that's what a good hostess is supposed to do," he ensured me.

Start running the banner down.
Drop past the color, come up through the summer rain.
Start turning the girl into the ground. Roll a new love over.

It was odd receiving that type of advice from my little brother and I suddenly started to miss my mom and dad in the middle of my happy girl parade. People sometimes say things like, "I would do ANYTHING for--."

I would do ANYTHING for both my mother and father to be here,
to share the happiness my brothers and I are living in today.

Early this morning my mother began sending me an assortment of random text messages. She never directly states if/when something is on her mind so I always know if I hear from her more than once a day, (if at all, honestly), something is bothering her. However, I don't know why she chose to text me considering she, "doesn't particularly like me." I definitely didn't mind listening to her, but I was anxious the entire time, wondering where the conversation would end up. I continued to exchange unrelated to the point, messages with her.

In the middle of our conversation she abruptly informed me, "You know if I walk away from this house we lose it. We won't really have a home to fall back on..."

"The house isn't really a home without the family in it," I replied. "But we always have a home when we have each other."

"Guess I should start packing," she said.

~

Big day tomorrow. Work @ Starbucks, then a show in Deep Ellum tomorrow night at Reno's Chop Shop with Tonight, Tonight! and Escaping Gravity. It's the last show for awhile so I'm sure it will be full of debauchery. 

Start threading a needle.
Brush past the shuttle that slides through the cold room.
Start turning the wool across the wire. Roll a new life over.

Mind's racing [love & romance, sex etc...]

I live for days like these. When everything seems to set off a spark inside me (in a good way), and gets more than just my external body moving. When everything is in sync, and everything is in motion, externally AND internally, those are the days I feel alive. With that being said, I'll fill you in on the other type of running I've done all day; my mind's racing.

My mind began warming up, quite possibly, in the strangest way a deep thought stretches in preparation for a 10k brain marathon. It started with watching Lady Gaga music videos. Ridiculous, right? Terribly. I'm not going to lie and say I don't like her or her music. (Okay, okay, I'm not too crazy about the, 'Just Dance', song.) I was impressed with the videos, artistically speaking. Laugh all you want, I was amazed. In the midst of admiration I began to notice the obvious theme in her videos and music; love and romance, sex, etc..And just like that, it was as if I heard a gunshot and I took off.

That's when it started.

My mind ran all over the place. I started wondering if maybe, just maybe, because of pop culture and media, our views on something as important and personal as love and romance, sex, etc..had been shaped, molded, possibly even skewed. Take for instance, the negative themes I found in Ms. Gaga' musical work. ( Since she's become subject to more than just catchy beats, I feel the need to address her by a formal name.) I began wondering if perhaps the idea of, "bad romance", had suddenly become, "cool, trendy, hip and the 'it' thing for right now"? Was it now socially acceptable to be in a disastrous relationship? And if so, how much, "bad", was acceptable in this idea of romance we all wanted in today's culture? Some tossed around, name-calling your partner, dishes shattered and holes being punched into walls, a few bruises due to your partner's physical abuse, murder...DEATH; was this ideology suddenly the norm?

If so, fuck all that. I don't want any fucking part of it. I'd rather eat shit and die. ALONE. At least then, I'd die by my own hands for something I believed in, and not at the hands of someone else, over some trend that will be considered passé in a few years.

After watching the videos several times and studying the lyrics, I had to ask myself if Ms.Gaga was condoning the ideology of the over-hyped, fatal love, or if she was making fun of the whole thing. I'd like to buy her a cup of coffee because I believe she's being facetious. (If you know me at all, you know, "facetious", is also my middle name.)

I want your love
And I want your revenge
I want your love
I don't want to be friends

With my thoughts still running strong, I began my introspection. I pulled out all of my past relationships and put up all of the notable ones on the chopping block for dissection. Then, after slicing them open, they lay there innards out for me to examine. I saw habitual fights, bruises, tears, property damage, gossip, rumors, and deceit in every part I spent more than a few months with.This was all I needed to collect my research and get my answer. Yep, ladies and gentlemen, I was indeed a follower of the crappy romance trend. Realizing how messy this was, I tossed aside all of the guts from boyfriends and lovers past. No need to keep them around anymore. Their pleasure and educational value had officially been exhausted at this point. May as well return them to the earth. Hopefully, they don't cycle back through and return anywhere close to my life.

Nearing the end of my mind's marathon, I talked to Ryan, who listened to and confirmed much of my research upon this topic. Listening to him rant about the subject gave my brain time to cool down and process everything. It also gave me some confidence that this, "mind's race", was one to be proud of and remember.

The only unanswered question that remains is whether or not I am capable of embracing a sincere, drama-free romance and love. Thank God I'm only 26 and I have the rest of my life to figure this out.



LIZ: We need our own podcast.
RYAN: Yeah, I don't know how the FCC would feel about that.