And as she herself split into two
Rotating in agony between two ultimate forces
The pendulum of choice began its dance
It seems easy, you imagine, to gravitate
instantly and unwaveringly towards good
But she wondered...
How can I protect something so perfect
Without evil?
Rotating in agony between two ultimate forces
The pendulum of choice began its dance
It seems easy, you imagine, to gravitate
instantly and unwaveringly towards good
But she wondered...
How can I protect something so perfect
Without evil?
THE PROLOGUE
Early Sunday morning...
PATRICK: Did you hear the news?!
LIZ: No. What's up?
PATRICK: Osama Bin Laden is dead!
LIZ: Shut the fuck up! Really?
PATRICK: Ya, it's been all over the news! Where have you been?
LIZ: I'm not really sure.
I was sure of only one thing last Sunday morning; I was the last person in the United States to hear about the death of the world's most feared terrorist. So why was I the last to know? To discover why, we have to dive deep into the depths of time, roughly four weeks ago, and begin our search there.
SEA LEVEL I
My mother came to visit the week of April 11th, 2011. It wasn't just to visit. This was also the weekend of the Ft. Worth Main St. Arts Festival and because my hours at work were extended, she came to help me care for Adam. On the second day of the festival I was running fifteen minutes late to work and missed the bus, so my mother drove me to work in my brother's car. On her way back to the house the car overheated. Thankfully my mother made it back to our house safely but the car wasn't doing so well. My brother took a look at it and drove it around the block to see if it would be an easy fix. Since the car still wasn't running right, he parked it in our driveway and said it would stay there until he had the time and money to have it looked at by a mechanic.
No big deal, Ryan's car is still running.
My brother and I can take the bus to work until we get the car fixed.
Not a problem.
So we moved forward from the incident and the festival rolled on. Once the hoopla came to its end and my hours at work went back to normal my mother returned to Oklahoma.
Of course that isn't the end of this journey into the sea of WHY.|
Of course that isn't the end of this journey into the sea of WHY.|
SEA LEVEL II
I definitely missed my mother's presence in our home, but it was nice to have Adam all to myself again, especially since I had a three day mini-break from work after the festival. The situation with the out-of-commission car still sat in our driveway, but it didn't seem so bleak. I was almost done with my time at Starbucks anyway and my brother wouldn't be without a car too long because I planned to help him with the repairs the first week of May.
Neither my brother nor I planned for the next financial woe, our huge cell phone bill, which came in the mail the last week of April. I take the blame for the enormous bill because I went over on the data usage in March while I was in Oklahoma for a week, finishing the final draft of my first full length play/book, THE LOST YEAR. So our phones were disconnected. It was inconvenient but my brother and I were getting paid soon, so we decided to cut our losses for the time being [pun intended], and we put the bill off until our next payday.
Easter Sunday was my final day as a barista though it was scheduled to be Tuesday, April 26th, 2011. This happened because after Easter, I spent the following Monday night and Tuesday morning curled up in pain on a tiny chair in the waiting area of the emergency room at JPS Medical Center. The pain was so severe that even as I overheard a news update about Michael Vick speaking out against a new dog fighting game, I couldn't bring myself to grin over the irony.
After it was all said and done the doctor told me I had a bacterial infection from food poisoning. It was embarrassing to call-in on my last day of work, or rather to have Ryan call-in for me.
Neither my brother nor I planned for the next financial woe, our huge cell phone bill, which came in the mail the last week of April. I take the blame for the enormous bill because I went over on the data usage in March while I was in Oklahoma for a week, finishing the final draft of my first full length play/book, THE LOST YEAR. So our phones were disconnected. It was inconvenient but my brother and I were getting paid soon, so we decided to cut our losses for the time being [pun intended], and we put the bill off until our next payday.
Easter Sunday was my final day as a barista though it was scheduled to be Tuesday, April 26th, 2011. This happened because after Easter, I spent the following Monday night and Tuesday morning curled up in pain on a tiny chair in the waiting area of the emergency room at JPS Medical Center. The pain was so severe that even as I overheard a news update about Michael Vick speaking out against a new dog fighting game, I couldn't bring myself to grin over the irony.
After it was all said and done the doctor told me I had a bacterial infection from food poisoning. It was embarrassing to call-in on my last day of work, or rather to have Ryan call-in for me.
It was the least he could do.
Considering it was my brother--
NOT Ryan--
Who stayed with me at the emergency room.
Considering it was my brother--
NOT Ryan--
Who stayed with me at the emergency room.
It didn't end there either. So we dive deeper.
SEA LEVEL III
The days that followed after my stint in the emergency room I spent in isolation at home. Without a car or a phone, I stayed in bed until Adam came home from school. Then I moved my station upstairs and we watched TV together on the couch until Ryan came home. Ryan and Adam ate and I watched since I still had no appetite. Then we went to bed.
On Thursday I decided I was tired of being cut off from the rest of society so I got online and decided to catch up with people via email, chat, etc... Two weeks had passed since I checked in with anyone and I couldn’t tell you that I honestly noticed until I was forced to stay home because I’d been so busy until then.
My stress level was amplified by 100% when I was forewarned that Ryan’s mother, who was flying in from Oregon that day, had some ill feelings toward Adam. When I heard this I wasn’t surprised because last winter I learned she wasn’t too keen on rowdy children. But whatever, it’s her loss if she doesn’t want to get to know Adam. Whatever didn’t last ten seconds before my blood pressure shot through the roof and all I could think was, “Who the fuck does this bitch think she is?! Who the fuck says they don’t like a six year old little boy?! Especially one they’ve only met twice?!”
I was livid and everything in my sight from that point was splashed with fresh blood red tint. Thoughts circled around in my mind about how I could maneuver meeting her at the airport and claw her eyes out. I don’t care how crass that sounds, that’s my motherly instinct: To protect my cub by any means I see necessary.
There’s the official memo in case anyone needs to see it.
Ryan’s mom arrived and he confronted her alone about the issue. She claimed that what she said was misinterpreted. At first I didn’t believe her at all because I know that even if it wasn’t exactly how she felt, there’s always a little truth in every bit of hearsay. After a few days my anger at Ryan's mother began to fade, but only slightly. My defenses were and are still up.
The last Friday in April came and along with it, my paycheck. I tried to pay the cell phone bill online that day and my bank wouldn’t process the payment. I tried over and over--Nothing. Without a phone I couldn’t call customer service to ask them WTF was going on. Then on Saturday I tried again and had the same issues. So I used Ryan’s phone to call and attempt to pay ATT but the payment again wouldn’t process. I checked my bank balance to make sure I had the money and it was all there. I didn’t understand.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
On Thursday I decided I was tired of being cut off from the rest of society so I got online and decided to catch up with people via email, chat, etc... Two weeks had passed since I checked in with anyone and I couldn’t tell you that I honestly noticed until I was forced to stay home because I’d been so busy until then.
My stress level was amplified by 100% when I was forewarned that Ryan’s mother, who was flying in from Oregon that day, had some ill feelings toward Adam. When I heard this I wasn’t surprised because last winter I learned she wasn’t too keen on rowdy children. But whatever, it’s her loss if she doesn’t want to get to know Adam. Whatever didn’t last ten seconds before my blood pressure shot through the roof and all I could think was, “Who the fuck does this bitch think she is?! Who the fuck says they don’t like a six year old little boy?! Especially one they’ve only met twice?!”
I was livid and everything in my sight from that point was splashed with fresh blood red tint. Thoughts circled around in my mind about how I could maneuver meeting her at the airport and claw her eyes out. I don’t care how crass that sounds, that’s my motherly instinct: To protect my cub by any means I see necessary.
TO: All inhabitants of the universe
FROM: Liz, (Adam’s Mother)
SUBJECT: First and last warning.
MEMO
NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is allowed to speak ill of my child or cause harm to him in ANY way. Especially in my presence or not in my presence. Especially if I know you or DON’T know you. I would do ANYTHING to defend my child. ANYTHING. I don’t care who or what it is that disrespected or approached him in any negative manner. My only care is to destroy it IMMEDIATELY.
There’s the official memo in case anyone needs to see it.
Ryan’s mom arrived and he confronted her alone about the issue. She claimed that what she said was misinterpreted. At first I didn’t believe her at all because I know that even if it wasn’t exactly how she felt, there’s always a little truth in every bit of hearsay. After a few days my anger at Ryan's mother began to fade, but only slightly. My defenses were and are still up.
The last Friday in April came and along with it, my paycheck. I tried to pay the cell phone bill online that day and my bank wouldn’t process the payment. I tried over and over--Nothing. Without a phone I couldn’t call customer service to ask them WTF was going on. Then on Saturday I tried again and had the same issues. So I used Ryan’s phone to call and attempt to pay ATT but the payment again wouldn’t process. I checked my bank balance to make sure I had the money and it was all there. I didn’t understand.
Ryan went to visit his mother this weekend and I stayed at home in isolation from the world outside.
I say isolation but I wasn’t entirely alone. Confusion, anger, paranoia, hopelessness, and finally apathy all crashed into my world Friday thru Sunday. These feelings that I used to run around with all the time hadn’t squatted within my psyche or soul in years. By the time I realized they returned for an extended stay they were already in my house; shoes off, kicked back on the couch, feet up, as if existing within me was their second home.
So what did I do?
I went upstairs and opened a bottle of wine and offered them all drinks of course.That's what any great hostess would do.
Once I felt less apprehensive, [thanks to the wine], me and my former negative feelings hung out on the balcony and smoked cigarettes, catching up with each other. Suddenly in the middle of our reunion I remembered an email I received earlier in the week from FUSION Theatre. The theatre informed me that their ten minute play contest submission deadline had been extended till Sunday at 11:59pm. So all together me and my insanities sat down and wrote a ten minute script this weekend, MICAH + SHELLY, and I emailed the final draft to FUSION at 11:47pm on Sunday night.
When my brother came home from work that night I was sitting in front of my laptop scanning my new script. That’s when he informed me of the death of Osama Bin Laden and I was unaffected. Even if I wanted to be affected by the news there wasn’t any room left inside of me to feel anything else. So I shrugged my shoulders about the event and continued to analyze my script.
Monday came and FINALLY, I spoke to a person and not an automated service from ATT. The customer service representative said our account balance was overdue and we had to go into an ATT store to pay the bill in cash. So on Tuesday morning that’s exactly what my brother and I did.
I went upstairs and opened a bottle of wine and offered them all drinks of course.That's what any great hostess would do.
Once I felt less apprehensive, [thanks to the wine], me and my former negative feelings hung out on the balcony and smoked cigarettes, catching up with each other. Suddenly in the middle of our reunion I remembered an email I received earlier in the week from FUSION Theatre. The theatre informed me that their ten minute play contest submission deadline had been extended till Sunday at 11:59pm. So all together me and my insanities sat down and wrote a ten minute script this weekend, MICAH + SHELLY, and I emailed the final draft to FUSION at 11:47pm on Sunday night.
When my brother came home from work that night I was sitting in front of my laptop scanning my new script. That’s when he informed me of the death of Osama Bin Laden and I was unaffected. Even if I wanted to be affected by the news there wasn’t any room left inside of me to feel anything else. So I shrugged my shoulders about the event and continued to analyze my script.
Monday came and FINALLY, I spoke to a person and not an automated service from ATT. The customer service representative said our account balance was overdue and we had to go into an ATT store to pay the bill in cash. So on Tuesday morning that’s exactly what my brother and I did.
And we took the bus to get there and back.
After I vented my inner strife through words and produced a script, and the phone issue was resolved I still didn’t feel...normal. Then I remembered I was supposed to be moving to Oklahoma in a few days. I felt overwhelmed and wondered what the hell was wrong with me.
How could I forget?!
After I vented my inner strife through words and produced a script, and the phone issue was resolved I still didn’t feel...normal. Then I remembered I was supposed to be moving to Oklahoma in a few days. I felt overwhelmed and wondered what the hell was wrong with me.
How could I forget?!
THE EPILOGUE
So much shit happened in the course of nearly a month that I forgot about the summer. I’m back on my path now and it only seems fitting that I’d be finishing the last of my to-do list in the few days prior to leaving. That’s a signature Liz move; to binge tasks at the speed of light. Why would this move be any different? Looking back on it today, the past month and stress it brought along felt like THE LOST YEAR, but it wasn’t. Even in that realization it was frightening, experiencing emotional flashbacks of terror, emptiness, the urgent need to protect my son and myself, mistrusting the world and even myself. I began to feel like things were crumbling around me again—But that wasn’t the case. Granted, some of the stress from this month is still hanging in the air; It's not as apocalyptic as it seemed.
So why was I the last to learn about the most important news in recent U.S. history?
There are numerous reasons why.
In the end, I guess the terrorist was the last thing in my world to fear.
In the end, I guess the terrorist was the last thing in my world to fear.
Don’t hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you’re set
I'm on the right track
I was born to be brave
I was born to survive
I was born to survive
I’m beautiful in my way
Because GOD makes NO mistakes.
I was born this way.--Born This Way/LADY GAGA
<3
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