Pt. I - ACCEPT and EXPECT

It's been an interesting two weeks since the last time I sat down to write. I definitely have the desire to write. The biggest challenge is trying to recall the moments throughout the day that inspire me. Once I get home, it's hard to recapture those raw thoughts, let alone translate them into written words. I'm not giving up though and Ive decided to invest in a voice recorder next week. This way I can think out loud and listen to the ideas again once I get off work.

I know one thing for sure; my mind is entirely focused on the pursuit of happiness since I entered the ACCEPTANCE stage of my grieving process. I realize that grief is never completely gone but I also know that I'll never move forward if I linger on that fact. So I'm coping instead of running, learning to ACCEPT my losses, (pun intended), and more importantly, I'm learning to ACCEPT wins. This is probably going to sound strange, but for me, it's always been easier to ACCEPT losses over wins. Even though I'm feeling a trillion times better these days, I'm still paranoid and cautious because I'm EXPECTING tragedy around every corner. It's hard to break old habits and learned behaviors. Because of that, I ACCEPT that my anxiety isn't going anywhere anytime soon. However, I found a way to cope with the anxious energy in a completely UNEXPECTED, but tremendously positive manner.

Roughly a month ago I was asked by the Red Cross to join the inaugural class of the Disaster Assessment team. The purpose of the team is to prepare for disasters such as hurricanes, floods, etc...before they happen.  For instance, if there's a bad storm in or near our service area, the Disaster Assessment team gets in touch with the team captain and reports the weather conditions in their residence area. Then the team tunes into the national weather service's A.M. frequency and begins to track the storm. They communicate the information from those reports with the team captain and the chapter, as well as report the information to local police and fire departments. Once everyone involved is aware of the situation, the D.A. team begins mapping residential areas on detailed maps that show everything, including unnamed dirt roads, back roads and even utility transmission lines. With that information the team can assess high risk areas and large networks where utilities may become unavailable, if the worst happens.

Once the assessment is complete, the Disaster Team assembles at the chapter building and prepares supplies with the First Responder Team in case of an emergency. Then it's a waiting game until after the storm. If the worst does happen and people are affected, the teams take the supplies into the areas and the Disaster Assessment members take notes on how many people were injured, and where the affected people are so medics can find them. The D.A. team also assesses the residences that were damaged and are unlivable, and report that information to the shelter team so they can begin setting up shelters. If the disaster is large scale, the D.A. team gets in touch with government agencies such as FEMA and petitions for aid to be sent to the area, and in serious situations, the Red Cross will suggest that a state of emergency be declared.

When I sat in on the first meeting for Disaster Assessment, I felt like I found my new home.

LIZ: (To D.A. Captain, JIM) So basically you're saying we study, track, and wait for disasters?
JIM: Exactly. Now you're catching on girl!
LIZ: Oh my god, you have no idea. I've been doing that my whole life!
JIM: Well after I talked to you at the last meeting, I thought you'd be interested.  Hell, you even surprised me with how much you already knew!
LIZ: Yeah, I always feel the need to make sure everyone knows how much I love volunteering with the Red Cross.
JIM: Well listen, it's gonna be a lot of work because this is a new team our chapter of the Red Cross has started and if you join, you'll be in the first certified team of Disaster Assessment here.
LIZ: Where do I sign up?

So that's where 1/4 of my time has been spent in the past 30 days. I've been learning how to read every type of map known to mankind, practicing how to operate a H.A.M. radio, and helping the team build our official protocol plan. My team captain has a tremendous amount of faith in me and at our last meeting, he asked me to begin training to work as a government liason for our team. His belief in what we're doing and his belief in me is extraordinary.

Joining the Disaster Assessment team has helped me balance out my anxious habits. Instead of sitting alone, dwelling and waiting for tragedy to strike me personally, I've shifted the focus off my narcissistic self and now I'm using the anxiety to do something  positive for other people.  I never imagined there would be a group of people who actually love my need to prepare for the worst. I also never thought I'd see the day where my anxiety could be utilized to help save lives. I'd be lying if I said that doing something positive for others didn't make me feel good as well.

Our official certification test date is July 31st. My captain also mentioned to me yesterday that for our last training exercise before the test, he was going to drop me and my other team mates off in the barrio at night. If we can't find our way back to the chapter on foot; carrying our go-bags full of the required supplies, no cell phones, no GPS, only using an old school paper map; he wasn't coming to get us.

Wish me luck or come visit me at my new home in the barrio, next week.