The rain outside made me feel nostalgic and comfortable at the same time. It was like a reminder that spring isn't too far away. My older brother, Patrick, informed me earlier that it will be 70 F next week. That news was like a life saver to my soul. Winter and autumn used to be my favorite seasons, but in the past two years, I've come to love and appreciate the spring months more than the cold, dreary ones. I'm talking weather, I realize. What an avoidance technique!
Jeremy text me earlier today. At first I wasn't sure who the text was from because I erased his number. I've erased his number from my phone at least three times in the past two weeks. I think it's my way of trying to protect myself against the impending fall-out. If he doesn't contact me, then I won't have his number to try and re-establish contact after he's rejected me. Every time I think we're on the verge of final communication, he calls or texts, and I wait until we engage in lengthy conversation before saving his number again. Why I self sabotage on a daily basis is still beyond my comprehension.
I have to admit, I'm somewhat sad I'm not in Oklahoma right now because Jeremy's decided to open his own law practice. I love watching my friends and family evolve into independent, successful, happy people. I know he will love being his own boss, doing something he's passionate about. I tried to tell him I believed in him earlier tonite while we were talking, hoping it would bridge the gap of emotional clarity between us that's been there since we went to Wichita for NYE. His response: "We'll see."
Maybe I'm not the only one who practices self sabotage?
On a different subject, I finally got a response back from an event job that pays $20-$30/hr. I'm going to work on trying to get the interview set up next week.
But today's Friday. I should honor that by cutting this short tonite, and following up later this weekend.
Be safe everyone <3
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